You might know of the project Krebs, but the Philadelphia based, Michael Haggerty, has shed this moniker, instead, using his own name to adorn the latest singles. “Into The Glow“, out on Machine Man Records, is the second single to be dropped from the soon to be released, Fire Behind The Paper Tree album.
There is something so utterly charming about the beginning of “Into The Glow“, with it’s low tones and smooth vocals. Though, this all changes with the introduction of a driving guitar. A myriad a of beautiful shards hits you all at once with the truly open and bleeding lyrics. The second backing track, “I Kinda Like It” is the kooky cousin, in an Addams Family weirdness, that all goths are known for and this tune plonks away in a darkly dazed happy joy way.
The single is really quite stunning and Haggerty could be the male, one man version of The Birthday Massacre, so I really could not recommend it more highly. I think it would take me a while to get tired of listening to “Into The Glow“, and that is the sign of a good track, especially when it coolly caresses your heart, instead of being a cyclone that rips it out. Plus, it is name your price on Bandcamp, so off you go….and you too can check out the very quirky photo there (I so wanted to use that instead!).
Berlin’s Vlimmer, has released the post-punk single, “Kronzeuge” (key witness) with backing track, a German lyric version of the Depeche Mode song, “It’s No Good“. Alexander Leonard Donat is Vlimmer and the man behind the BlackJack IlluministRecords label, releasing the single on June the 3rd.
There is a hint of early German post-punk, such as Die Artze, and “Kronzeuge” is melancholy with those deep bass lines and wistful electronics. Donat’s vocals play over the top and the harmonies between himself and the electronics is really breathtaking. The cover “It’s No Good“, is off kilter and has a slightly deranged air to it. Darker and more brooding than the original, though there is that fabulous synth line that has always been the underpin of this track, which you could never not have but given a new twist.
I am loving these clean vocals from Donat. It puts a whole new spin on the Vlimmer sound, I think bringing a new level of tenebrosity to the music. The cover version, though in German, I can still hear the English in my head which is an interesting thing and “Kronzeuge” is a wonderfully mournful and lugubrious track in an emotional wasteland, ready to suck you into Vlimmer’s fantastic world.
With the release of the debut album, The Egg That Never Opened, on the 17th of June, with the record label Art As Catharsis, you may or may not have heard of High CastleTeleorkestra, but I can promise you, that once you have, you are very unlikely to forget. A core of six members, dotted around the world, whom have been associated with some big name musical acts, plus the ability to draw on other talented musicians to further enhance their sound. What is this sound you might ask? Constructive insanity comes to mind but it is more than that. These guys are the musicians that other musicians tend to get really excited about with their alternative, progressive, instrumental mixtures of tasty perfection. Crazy good at what they do and while there is an assault of all these different genres, they craft it into tracks that are seamless, occasionally haunting and more often than not, a lot of fun. There is a pervasive feeling of joy from this band that goes into bringing each piece to life and it translate into the music. Tim Smolens and Chris Bogen are the originators of the band, so who else better to talk to about this juggernaut that they have brought to life and how important castles really are in the alternative rock scene.
We at Onyx go to extreme lengths to interview creative people but storming the battlements is a first for us, so we bid thee welcome to our nightmare of siege weapons, cool pointy things and comfy pillows. Well met on the interviewing battlefield, Tim Smolens and Chris Bogen of High Castle Teleorkestra.
Professed as both recovering professional musicians…. I find this statement misleading, as I am sure that neither of you have ever been able to give up the music drug. How did you get sucked into this life of moody tunes and can you tell us about your former shady lives, as Tim you were in Estradasphere and I.S.S. to name a couple of bands and Chris in the snotty named Doc Booger.
Chris: The HCT bio tells lies! I have never been a full-time pro musician though Tim has a few inhabitants in his brain and he could technically be considered as two recovering professional musicians. I’ve mostly done a lot of extremely low profile, community and friend oriented music projects that are usually left unfinished. I’ve been persistently doing home recording stuff since the mid 1990s with a few scattered live band situations. Doc Booger was my first “commercial” release and this is my third. Every band needs a luckiest member sort of hobbit character and I guess that’s my gimmick.
Tim: Lies indeed! Given the fact that we are such small beans in this giant burrito game, it is necessary for us to embellish a bit just to help us feel like we have something to contribute to this world of interesting music, especially at our ripe old ages. Truth be told, I am not sure I ever fully made a living from music but I can tell you that I have made 1000s of dollars from music in the last 30 years!
We gather you became domesticated, settled down, had jobs and even spawned?
Tim: Living the life of a broke musician throughout my 20s, I was certain that I never wanted kids. “Somehow” my wife became pregnant and I just embraced it. It turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me, saving me from the sad lifestyle that so many contemporary musicians must endure. There probably hasn’t been a worse era to be a professional musician given that most people don’t buy music anymore. I would venture to guess that a majority of the public doesn’t care much for music at all other than in the most superficial of ways. So I have been married for 15 years now, have 2 kids, and make my living as an ER nurse. Even though it is hard to work music into that busy schedule, and I certainly test my wife’s patience with how much time put into it, I am under no pressure whatsoever to make a living from music although it would be a nice goal to strive for.
Chris: I was a semi-pro/amateur domesticated human for years which is probably why it took me so long to finally release some music commercially. I became professionally domesticated over a decade ago. Now there are three other people in the house that look just like me. My wife and kids are very supportive of the music project and aren’t at all sick of hearing me play the same parts over and over and over again to perfection. And yes, full-time jobs outside of music since 2004 in the Computer Science field. I have a Ph.D. in Comp. Sci. and it has afforded me a lot of great opportunities to do interesting work and live a balanced life. I am currently a full-time family dude, a full-time cyber security architect, a part time instructor, and a part time music dude. See. Balance!
Obviously, at some point you thought stuff this normalcy and had the idea to create some monstrous amalgamation of musical talent, calling it High Castle Teleorkestra. WHHHHHYYYYY?
Chris: I think we both hit a point in time when we were itching to create something big and prove something to the world. We knew it was time when some dramatic montage music played in the background of one of our thousands of Facebook chats.
Tim: The fact that Chris and I have stable jobs and families afforded us the luxury of having a man-cave project that our spouses would be in favor of, at least initially until they realized the depths of our obsession. During the pandemic it dawned on me how many super talented musicians I knew around the world and I didn’t see anything stopping me from forming a novel “band” with some of them.
Did covid influence this decision and maybe wanting a castle as well?
Tim: Covid was a good excuse and false pretense for making the band. A group of international talent forced to collaborate remotely due to restrictive lockdowns makes for a great narrative but the truth is we would likely be working this way regardless of the current situation on the global chessboard.
Chris: I’m going to be that annoying music snob guy that says that I’ve always wanted a castle even before everyone else wanted a castle. COVID had nothing to do with it though because we were already working together remotely having never met one another face to face.
Also, why a High Castle? Why not just a normal level Castle with a regular moat?
Chris: A high castle offers the best defense in depth strategy and you have a pretty damned good view. It’s like having a belt with suspenders. And who said we didn’t have a moat?!
Tim: It is good to have a lofty goal even if you only realize it partially. Plus with a higher castle you can see your enemy encroaching and give you ample time to prepare to fight or run for your life like a coward.
For those unfamiliar with the composition of the band, could you give us the lineup of the members and the associated acts?
Chris: Stian Carstensen is from Farmers Market and he is our resident virtuoso. Stian always raises the stakes on our songs and makes us want to quit trying to play musical instruments. Timba Harris is from Estradasphere, Duo Probosci, Ultraphuana, and a former Secret Chiefs 3 collaborator. Timba has a unique way of arranging and performing the perfect sort of provocative and rich string parts to our already dense tunes. Dave Murray (Estradasphere, Traun) is our resident metalhead and polyrhythmic guru, and he’s managed to get some amazing drum tones in his humble home studio setup. Bär McKinnon (Umlaut and Mr. Bungle) is one of the most unique songwriters around and is a songwriting gemstone of our band, and he also covers much of the woodwind work and vocals on his tunes. I play guitar and some other stuff sometimes (noise collages, synths) and do my imposter syndrome undistinguished member routine with expert precision. Tim (Estradasphere, ISS, former Secret Chiefs 3 collaborator) plays bass, piano, sings, is the chief producer, and he’s a pretty damned good cook (sorry, had to talk about food after so many words about music).
Tim: Yeah, what he said.
How the heck did you manage to gather this bunch into agreeing to being a part of this?
Tim: It is funny because when I first had this idea of forming a remote band and Chris and I set to work on a few songs, we had these guys on the roster in mind. We really took our time in asking them to officially join the “band” (courtship) because we wanted to have them play on some tunes first and be impressed and intrigued; sort of a proof of concept of the “business model.” We finally popped the question and they all said yes and we set out making more kids. This wedding night still goes on and on.
Chris: Tim and I prepared a demo of Klawpeels and Tim shopped it around to his well-established friends. I did my part by sitting back and pretending it was completely normal to be in a “band” with this roster of musicians.
A lot of these guys have been in some pretty bizarre projects, even you Tim playing live with Mr Bungle (all hail Chris Patton, Lord of the Bungle). Did you guys’ ever think…’what the fuck have I got myself into’ or was it like a comfortable set of shorts where the arse is not completely worn out yet?
Chris: I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing with these guys in HCT so I am just gonna stick with that Hobbit thing I said earlier.
Tim: To clarify, I have not played with Bungle. I did program a majority of their complex multi-keyboard setup for their California tour and they did open for my band Estradasphere as a secret warm up show for that tour. I have played live as the bassist for Bungle side project The Secret Chiefs 3. I have definitely soiled my shorts before but at this point they are pristine untl the upper thigh chub rub stench sets in.
As the name suggests, Teleorkestra, the music, is a mash of electronic and modern instruments mixed with traditional instruments plus also incorporating a vast array of styles…. sometimes all in the same track, which is bloody impressive. How did this all come about?
Chris: Our influences and interests are all over the map and combining them under one banner doesn’t seem so unusual to us. I think we just focused on each song and did our best to serve each one sonically. Somehow the track sequencing (which was sort of decided by chance) works as a satisfying progression of moods and sounds.
Tim: By the prefix “tele” is meant “at a distance” which is how our band conducts its activities.
Be honest, is it easier having your band mates as far away as possible and do you sometimes ignore their text messages and emails?
Chris: It probably makes it easier being apart because we would end up spending hours and hours together in person slaving over these mixes and parts. Tim and I did have a few days together in person like that midway through the project when I visited him in Colorado. I’m looking forward to some more days like that because there’s nothing quite like nerding out over some music you’re excited about with a good buddy. I never thought to ignore his messages though..
Tim: By keeping these egos at a distance we avoid the drama that close-quarters band activities inevitably brings forth. Although that was not the rationale for the genesis of our group it is a pleasant side-effect. In seriousness, bands usually do end up fostering interpersonal drama and our way of working remotely is a good way to filter a lot of that out.
Your debut album is “The Egg That Never Opened,” a title that implies the loss of something important or I could be completely wrong, and it is all about the Castle dragon. What inspired you to name the album after the epic first track (which is this quasi metal, confused French/German oompha band with a sea shanty singing barbershop quartet, on a Hawaiian holiday in space inspired piece)?
Chris: Dragons are cool though I did make one very angry once near Lonely Mountain. That’s another story though.
Tim: The album is indeed based on the Philp K. Dick Book “Radio free Albemuth.” The book is 30 chapters and we decided to take it linearly so it will be a trilogy and the 10 songs on this record represent the 1st 10 chapters. The phrase “The Egg That Never Opened,” is taken directly from chapter 1 and seems to imply a main character, Nick, whose life is in a rut, stagnating, with no obvious hope on the horizon for working his way out of it. But he has lots of positive qualities and interests that could have indeed led to a more colorful life; potential that was never realized.
Chris: Damn you, I was trying to be cagey and mysterious and you gave away the keys to the castle.
Is it true the album is an exploration of a Philip K Dick novel and have you recovered from this?
Tim: Yes, it is an adaptation of Philip K Dick’s discarded novel “Radio free albemuth,” which he ended up rewriting to become “Valis.” We have not yet recovered because we are still in the throes of it with the next two parts of the trilogy.
Chris: Yes and No.
Each track has a myriad of influences, that come together and just seem to work. With the members of the band being so far flung, how do you manage to write these grandiose pieces?
Chris: There’s typically a very strong vision for each song and a good template set forth before individual band members start tracking parts. There is some cross collaboration on the songs and arrangements early on though typically one member begins with a very firm idea and we work hard on firming up the foundational aspects of a demo – tempo map, mockups of essential parts, etc.
Tim: Most of the projects I have ever done have involved mixing and matching genres that usually are not found in the same song or even the same album. It is something I have gotten better at over the years and I feel is finally really clicking in a fluent way. You wouldn’t think that some of these mixtures would work well but on this record they feel natural and not contrived. European metal waltz. Romanian folk metal. Doo-Wop surf, and so on.
Technology now allows musicians to remotely record and share. Which member has the job of sewing it all together?
Chris: Tim does. And then me and the rest of the peanut gallery bust the seams and Tim has to do more sewing. I tend to eat a lot and not get enough exercise, so bursting seams comes naturally to me.
Tim: In general it is me that hosts the master files and I do the majority of editing and production but I am in daily contact with Chris on all the specific details. I am someone who loves teamwork and collaboration so having him to bounce ideas off is huge for me. I may be doing a majority of the grunt production work but his influence on this record cannot be overstated. Him and I rarely disagree and if we do it is in a friendly manner. The other guys will chime in if they have a suggestion. Bar is pretty specific related to the songs he wrote, so dialing that in on his 2 songs was a bit of a challenge to suit his fancy, but I think it all worked out really well.
“Mutual Hazard” was released as a single and it is a whirling dervish, magnetic and alluring, will probably drunkenly stab you later with a goose sort of thing. Who was the mastermind behind this track and what inspired you, as it is brilliant?
Chris: Dave Murray is the mastermind behind the metal aspects of the song which also contain the unorthodox polyrhythms. He arranged the guitar parts and I performed them with very slight modifications. Timba wrote and recorded the stunning string parts. As said, Tim was the mastermind of fitting all these disparate pieces together and making them work – with a little help from me and others in the peanut gallery. Most of the rest of it is in letting the performers and the melody shine.
Tim: I will add that the song is a traditional Romanian folk song and Stian is master of that style so he was very helpful and played some mean accordion parts as well as rhythm guitar (a nuanced rhythmic style that fall squarely outside of Chris’s wheelhouse). Stian brought in 2 guest players a Bulgarian violinist and a cimbalom player which really added to the authenticity of the folk aspect.
Interestingly, you are on the Art As Catharsis label, who are Australian, which leads us to ask why an Aussie label and how has that worked out for you?
Chris: We saw Crocodile Dundee and Young Einstein when we were kids and it inspired us to go buy boomerangs, big knives, and score an Australian label contract. When our music reaches the masses in Australia we are hoping to star in our own American-in-Australia wacky rom coms. I’m from Louisiana so I’ll be in Alligator Yankee. Who knows what Tim will do. But for real, we really dig Lachlan Dale (label manager) and his mission at Art as Catharsis. I’m proud to be a part of the AAC family.
Tim: Australia has been a great supporter of interesting music over the years. Mr. Bungle was very successful there and Estradasphere has many fans down under. It seemed like a natural fit to us. Art As Catharsis is a great label that has been a launching pad for many creative acts.
What bands and acts influenced your music insanity?
Chris: Chet Atkins, Arthur Lyman, Dick Dale, Martin Denny, Les Baxter, Esquivel, Perrey and Kingsley, The Three Suns, Luiz Bonfa’,Taraf de Haïdouks, The Shadows, Les Paul & Mary Ford, Santo and Johnny, Mr. Bungle, Secret Chiefs 3, The Ventures, Brian Eno, My Bloody Valentine, Harold Budd, Beach Boys, Slayer, Metallica, Death, Meshuggah, Steely Dan, Kraftwerk, Tangerine Dream, Mancini,and on and on.
Tim: to add to Chris’s nice list I would nominate Ennio Morricone and a variety of Italian film luminaries (Piero Picciono, Piero Umiliani, Bruno Nicolai, Nino Rota, and many more.), Joe Meek, The off kilter “world music” explorations of the label Sublime Frequencies, the harmonic mastery of Jacob Collier, Sam Cooke, a huge variety of Doo-Wop artists and so much more.
If you could have a guest musician or two, join you and it could be anyone, re-animated or living, whom would you dearly like?
Chris: If I had that kind of power then surely I could get more than one or two! Though there was one time where I had that wish while making the album: I would have really liked to have brought in Jean Jacques Perrey to do some crazy tape splicing stuff on the title track of our album. I would also have loved to have had Arthur Lyman play vibes on Placentia.
Tim: I would love to have Jacob Collier,whom Stian has collaborated with, guest on a track. I would bring back Joe Meek to produce surf songs for us, and a guest appearance from legendary studio drummer Bernard Purdie would be swell. (Chris: aw hell yeah!).
What is in the future for the eclectic High Castle Teleorkestra?
Chris: A short stack of filthy stinking $10 (USD) bills to divide amongst the band members so that we can take our families and significant others out to pick out their favorite pack of chewing gum or single serving hard candy piece!
Tim: We can hopefully finish off these next 2 albums to complete the trilogy before our bodies become infirm, we are wearing depends, ambulating with a walker, and falling frequently in our low-income nursing homes before we finally break that hip and the trials rehab prove to be the final blow. We will keep plugging away as quickly as our busy family lives will allow.
We thank you kindly for your parley, Tim and Chris, and we also know this album is going to knock some boots off!
Chris: Thank you, it was a gas!
Tim: Yes indeed, we loved this unorthodox interview.
Have you experienced High Castle Teleorkestra yet? If not then let me draw your attention to a good time. Signed to Art As Catharsis records, with members flung across the globe, who have been involved in many bands like Farmers Market, Mr Bungle and Estradasphere, and they are about to fling apon the world their new album, The Egg That NeverOpened, on June the 17th. So, to whet one’s appetite for the onslaught, here is their first video single, “Mutual Hazard“.
There are classical overtones that rapidly breakdown into a cacophony of metal fused with amazing traditional folk music and drumming that only enhances this brilliant piece. And if that is not enough, there is also the wonderful satire video, as it incorporates the televisual component of the band, while the music spirals in it’s dervish whirlings. High Castle Teleorkestra, utterly bonkers and loving it.
British industrial artist, Matt Hart has released his latest single, “The Last Rave“, off the album, BELOW THETERRA PT. 1., on the 3rd of June. To go along with the single, a music video was created from two live shows, recorded at the ElektroVox Music Festival and RESISTANZ Festival, showcasing the dynamic Hart wowing the audience.
It is a magnificent, pounding industrial track, about the human resistance to the alien machines that turn the planet cold and pursue the survivors deep into the ground. “The Last Rave” is a shout of defiance, that while humanity survives, there is hope and Hart growls his powerful message to those kicking beats. I invite you to “The Last Rave” and you might very well get sucked into Matt Hart’s cyber industrial world.
“Mondlicht” is German for moonlight and is also the title of the latest single from French goth/electronic act, Eleventh Fear. This is the second single, off the soon to be released album, by Ludovic Dhenry, the man behind EleventhFear, whose other projects have been Exponentia, Résonance magnétique and Zauber.
In true electronic style, “Mondlicht” is a mixture of insistent beats that merge with low synth tones, which stretch forth, while the vocals are whispered seductively in German. The rhythm lends itself to a near trance inducing dance beat.
I suppose this track is meant to convey a feeling of the dark, night and mystery, but for me, in the rhythms, it also speaks of strobe filled nights on the club floor, with other dancing, sweaty bodies. The lyrics tell of magic, crows and elves, as The Eleventh Fear whisper in your ear under the “Mondlicht“.
Elena Alice Fossi is best known as the fabulous lead woman for the long lasting, Italian project, KIRLIANCAMERA. However, this talented musician is also about to release her fifth album, Mondernism, under the moniker SPECTRA*paris, but that happens in August…..so to whet your appetite, before the sumptuous feast, we have been given the single, “Devious” to get a taste.
There is a certain amount of trepidation as you first hear the first erroneous sounds before the breathy notes in the form of Fossi’s vocals and sensuously, they drape over the electronic noir that buzzes, like bees attracted to sweet nectar.
I am not surprised that the video to accompany this track has a Hitchcockian flavour as the rhythm suggests mischief is afoot and that we might be involved in something that is not what it seems. There is a darkness in the music, offset by the light gracefulness of Fossi’s singing and yet there is something mesmerisingly seductive in those vocals, that once you are under her thrall, you might never leave. Elena Alice Fossi has given us a stunning single in the form of “Devious” and we await the next release from SPECTRA*paris with anticipation….
Something gothy, this way comes. Swedes, Then Comes Silence, have a new single, “Chains”, which dropped on the 27th of May, ahead of the new album, Hunger, on Metropolis Records. Alex Svenson (vocals, bass, synthesizer), Jonas Fransson (drums, backing vocals), Mattias Ruejas Jonson (guitar, backing vocals) and Hugo Zombie (guitar), make up the band and are joined on this track by Karolina Engdahl, of Vånna Inget, on backing vocals.
An eruption of guitar and synths resolves with an element of buildup of classical style, before we are introduced to the smoldering male vocals of Svenson, joined by Engdahl‘s more feminine and angelic tones. The mixture of electronics, ebbing and flowing with the wonderful guitars rocking out.
The Swedish do some pretty flawless production and this is no exception. It lends itself to the clean vocals, driving guitars and synths that slip through all the cracks the guitars cannot. The sweet words keep you on the chain and asking for more, in this goth rock track by Then Comes Silence.
I am not sure what is going on in Portland, Oregon, but I feel a little disturbed. Why disturbing? Because there seems to be a wealth of good acts from this one place. Brought to my attention is this band called Darkswoon, with their single, Eaten ByWolves, released on May the 27th in the form of an EP, which is off the soon to be released album, BloomDecay. The single is accompanied by three other tracks, one off a soundtrack and the other two, remixes.
The title track, “Eaten By Wolves” has this beautiful flow that reminds me a little of Ride, though far more electronic, with the drum machine keeping time as the vocals, so gorgeously clean, cleave their way across the music, while the synths vie with the guitar.
“Ruin” (2020) is such an oddity. It is about waiting for the one who will complete you but also seems quite dark when mentioning the fact when they die, their family will get the body….though I found it rather amusing as well. It is an uptempo sounding track, with the swirling shoegaze guitars and entwining vocals, that drag you away to another place.
Really like the electronic start to “Human Faults“, mixed by experimental electronic Portland act, We Are Parasols. Heavy and light tones invaded by the altered ghostly vocals. This has an amazing soundscape feel to it, stretching out into the buzzing aether, married to a danceable rhythm.
Final song and it is another cracker of a dance mix. “Fireplace“, the Sn<che mix, is pure joy, in the vein of Boy Harsher. A cacophony of sound with those marvellous staccato vocals that fold into soaring melodies, which fade into a mist filled end.
Holy crap. I love it. Darkswoon, where have you been hiding? Synthpop grace, coupled with shoegaze wisps and emotion filled vocals. In a word, sublime and the remixes are utterly on point, really rounding out the EP. After listening to this, you might want to be Eaten By Wolves.
Be afraid, be very afraid for they are out there in you garden, under the stairs and in your saunas. We are talking GNOMES and they apparently are trying to ruin your day. For years, there have been voices in the wilderness, warning us of the peril. One such soothsayer is TFG, formally of the Finnish band TONTTU, whom is spreading the word via the medium of music but also in this interview. Before reading, find yourself a safe place, a soothing drink, a second set of underwear and snacks because you are in for an education about our ancient enemy —-> the pointy hat vermin. Flamethrowers and gnomes and kangaroos…..oh my!
Welcome to Onyx, Tonttufindergeneral Hanz-Baal (later on referred as TFG). You will be happy to know that the windows and doors will be bolted for the entirety of this discussion, so there are no pesky intruders. We even checked the biscuit jars for infiltrators.
Well thank you, nice of you to acknowledge that there is huge demand for my wisdom. Bolted doors and windows let alone removed eye lids and tongue are a great start, my absolute approval for taking those necessary measures. I would burn that biscuit jar but that’s just me… Being known for nuking couple of backyards does miracles for one’s reputation!
So, how may I help you? Let me guess, you might have some enlightened questions about the gravest of issues: Gnomes and all around gnomishness destroying our way of life and the planet itself. I bet this is about those particular issues and I am more than happy to oblige, we might even talk about Anti-Gnome / Pro-Gnome Muzikk/zakk while we are at it and if I feel praised enough. To protect and to burn:
Let us start.
Soooo, TFG, when did you become aware that Finland has a severe gnome issue?
Gnomes are everywhere and Finland is part of that everywhere so there you go… Also that horrid enabler Santa lives in here so that also is a huge warning sign…
But gotta say the core crew of TONTTU lives in the most happy township of Finland and our country being often selected as the happiest country in the world… I must say that Anti-Gnomen can make the difference! But it was all different before we came to play: Everyone was drinking and sulking and committing murders and suicides and thingies like that, abominous. They praise us as national heroes nowadays and gotta say they just might be right at that.
But yeah, vigilance is always the key when noticing things other (lesser) people often miss.
How did you find out about the gnomes and what their mission is?
When stumbling on the first hardship in life: My milk was a bit too warm to my liking and the biscuit was a bit on the softer side… I realized instantly that there is no other reasonable explanation to that than gnomes! No way around it. And oh boy was I right, as usual I might add.
After careful studies I proved my theory right and now the majority of scientists approve my thesis as the ultimate truth… At least those scientists I approve of, but they are far better than those other ones I cannot stand so there is no comparison at this point.
The final truth is that gnomes cause our every hardship without a reason of a doubt, there is no denying the science behind that phenomenon.
Their mission? To liberate us from our existence, to gnomify us, to drive us into extinction or help us to do it ourselves… They are the pure evil unlike us people with our caring and helpful attitude. we could do nothing wrong even if we tried to, gnomes on the other hand praise greed and money and care nothing about other species let alone this planet, pthui…Oh how much I despise them and their vile ways!
Gotta say after telling my sophisticated ideas some might consider me as totalitarian Phantom, you know that lovely story about that heroic chap wearing blueish spandex outfit beating up bad guys? Ah, if that was the case I only got that Ring of Evil as I do not seek for good people to bash (only those doing the gnomes’ deeds or being one of em), even though I am intrigued to hit them with that Good Mark Ring so that I would remember them later on – I am sure my comrades would approve that idea. But flamethrower and gnomes are good enough for me. Yeah, some may see me a bit “totalitarian” but I myself see me as an extremely liberal nice fella, a hero if you will, who is up to nothing but good ideas, for example the final solution for those gnarly little pointy hatted critters – who on earth would oppose that?
You created the band TONTTU, which literally means gnome, in 1994. Did you think the war against gnomes would be going on for this long?
Not quite sure of the year but thinketh it was a bit later, but who cares anyways! Our first “Kabouter Dämmerung” was released early 1997 or late 96 or something in between but the first version of “Saunatonttu” came into existence somewhere between 94-95 so you are not that wrong.
The official TONTTU as a project came to fruition circa 95-96 with me and Petja and in the studio Toby was added into mixture. But who cares about exact years, gnomes invented time anyways and we must resist their schemes with all of our strength plus additional 27 percent – at the very least. Next in line was our second ep “Gnomedrome” including remixes from the first one and our first martial ditty “Taisteluni.” That one is a beast made with excellent taste, for the most part politically correct…ish.
Then Petja got kidnapped by gnomes and we do not negotiate with them so… Out with the old and in with the new: “Some” time passed and we continued with new crew including brilliant Großinquisitor Rudolf Von Deer and with some compositionary help from High Commander Hephzipah later on. Fun fact: Rudie was in da house when we came up with Saunatonttu way back when so this move made perfect sense. This crew came out to be the core for later TONTTU-endeavours. We released “Nekrognomekon” (with those 2 older eps and brand new ep “Der Zwergenhammer” in 2013) and then made our first full length / long ep “Anti-Gnomen Divisionen 4 (Mastering the fine art of gnome eradication)” 2014 – that was the first one through that lovely label Panicmachine. Brilliant album by the way, very hateful and lifts one’s spirit to the max and beyond!
Enough of this subject, I think.
TONTTU was meant to be just a nice little military special operation but it turned out to be total war. Gnomes did not surrender, submit or just die so they gave us no choice. We are just making this world a better place for everyone and in the process some MAGGA may occur. Not clear enough for you? Make Anti-Gnomen Great Again that means but I would even go as far as to say MAGGS meaning Make Anti-Gnomen Greater Still! Glorious, even if I say so myself.
If at some point all the nations decide to declare me as the most benevolent supreme leader, which I obviously already am at some level, I will humbly and most gracefully accept. If that is to happen I will make sure to make this world such a safe place that no one will even dare to think otherwise, you know I am begin to feel quite sentimental here, just thinking of all the torches and pitchforks we can carry in all of those joyful little hunting parades we will arrange and what not!
Everyone will have to make some minor sacrifices and naturally some will have to compensate for others but in the end everyone wins as some fortunate ones even will have the splendid opportunity to become martyrs for this sacred cause – no greater glory! Where is those darn fanfares when we need them? Execute those slackers responsible for this humiliation! Ummh… Sorry, just got a bit carried away but hey, everyone would agree with me in the future if not for now… As you were, ahem.
Be as it may: “Gnomes may come and gnomes may go but Anti-Gnomen lives forever.” You all reading this might like to have a motivational painting in your wall saying that, if I may say so… And soon it will happen anyways…
What is your official designation in the band and other band members, who are obviously not gnomes?
If talking about late TONTTU core crew: *Tonttufindergeneral Hanz-Baal: Vox, Lyrixx, all around bossing around – initiative so to speak. The propagandist. *Großinquisitor Rudolf Von Deer: Muzikk, Mixx, Mastering. *High Commander Hephzipah: Composing, (later on) Voxx.
You might like to check those involved in Gnostrogoth separately and naturally Freiherr was in our two latest albums, bless him and his suspicious beard!
In these newer projects with TFG (TONTTU) I do what I always do: Lure people in starting the project usually, make lyrixx and voxx and spam it around afterwards. usually my name is to be found in the title featuring, but there is also projects with “proper” name like Wake Island Rail, Hollow Columns…
How did you and your comrades in arms come together against the marauding hoards?
With the core crew: Nothing like old comrades fighting side by side in this horrid but necessary war! So first we knew each other and then bought a shared second-hand flamethrower. Nothing like old friends singing kumbayah while covered in gnomes’ blood! Comrades that joined later on are mostly the spoils of social media that I got lured into my boat (called “MeHtzGnomz 1.”) The blessed filter of Anti-Gnomen, yes.
Your sound has been most eloquently described as anti-gnomemartialindustrialneofolkmetal. Would you say this was fairly accurate?
Well as I invented it I do most certainly agree!My ideas more than often “rule” and are “hip.” Been talking to some wretched souls and quite many do in fact think that it really is the word to describe our muzikk. I do not encourage people to disagree, but still. We do mix those musical elements with solid message, thus it depicts the sound and idea most definitively.
How does your music translate into fighting the gnome scourge?
Not quite sure what you mean but as usual that does not prevent me from giving my opinion! But if I got you right our music is highly militant and martial to raise the spirits of future martyrs! Also our lyrics give some nifty tricks how to get rid of those pesky little wankeroonies and/or tells tales about their schemes. If you ever have stumbled on our neverred “Tonttujen Kestit: Jälkiruoka” (from AGD4) that might just explain everything… It is quite graphic little ditty to say the least. I think it is one of our most praised endeavours to this day.
All our digital albums include line by line translations as do our videos, so I advice everyone to see what the lyrics are all about. Not for the faint of heart I might have to add.
TONTTU are on the UK label Panicmachine. They seem like a nice bunch. Do they believe in tricky gnomes, how do they help in the war and does the UK also have a gnome problem?
Panicmachine – I love em, they have been nothing less than supportive to the max and I think our synergy is more than great. It is symbiotic relationship, I would say. Of course they do believe in those bearded mothergnomers and they have seen the benefits of Anti-Gnome Muzikk in practice protecting their HQ by listening our musikk 25/8 . UK has a huge gnome problem! Pip-pip cheerio for the past glory of that land, sad to say… Maybe they will wake up at some point and notice, that being a wanker or a tosser is not the way to keep the country great, but we will see. Gnomishness is what gnomishness does and it can be conquered if there is will to do so… But there are ways to convince common people to bite their own legs so gnomes do not have to bother… Media and social media can do wonders when people are eager to believe the gnarly whispering voices of em turtoidian gnomes.
Must say they have got great bands though, I find Midnight Configuration and Chaos Bleak as very Anti-Gnomen, for example… Not to mention Fear Incorporated (will mention them every gnomin’ time I will get the chance and most probably even if not).
Your first ‘proper’ album came out in 2013 called Nekrognomekon, so how do you feel your sound has changed since this album and did you get any feedback from the gnomes?
Well hard to say as it contains 3 of our first eps but when we reached the martial sound of “Taisteluni” and continued that idea with the 2013 ep “Der Zwergenhammer” with the new crew I think we found our way. Basically the same recklessness is there all the way but maybe we focused on certain style of perfecting it. Adding High Commander into the mix in the next release brought some more classical take into it and there we were… Thinking afterwards “Riimuja ja Tonttuja”-album kinda was the ultimate showdown for that style and shows what polished Ant…metal might be like.Rudie really took that to extreme s and we got some great feedback. Freiherr von Gargamel joined us on that album and looky looky his specialities: Violin, Viola, Recorders, Tin whistle, Mouth harp, Baglama saz, Mandolin. Highly folkish and finely tuned!
Our last album Gnostrogoth was done quite differently and it sure involved same elements but the approach was quite different, we were more like doing a jukebox than solid, integral release.
Feedback? Hahhahahah, you gnomin bet! Finnish gnomesian media hated it and that is one of the main reasons I decided to go on! First positive reviews came from that questionable character Mr. Gullotta / Brutal Resonance and from respectable P. Emerson Williams / Intravenous Magazine – yes, the very same Williams I learned to know after this review… Anti-Gnomen goes a long way.
Also heard couple of gnomes commenting it and it went like this: “EEEÄÄÄÄÄÄRRGGGGGHHHHYYYYYYYY…..GHRLGURG!” Not quite sure if I got it totally right, but found em dead afterwards and that made me realize the potential of our muzikk.
Most recently members of TONTTU have been involved in collaborations with other artists. Can you tell us how you came to recording with Australia’s Captain Kangaroo?
GENERAL Kangaroo SGS, ahem! What a lovely little hippity-hoppity that unsung hero is! I think I have got Mister Rowland from Disjecta Membra to thank for it if my memory serves me right, thinketh he mentioned about a nice kangaroo he ran across while on tour. That nice kangaroo also happened to be fierce and relentless roaming around the wastelands of Aussieland… Also that blessed creature was hating gnomes like no kangaroo before, it appeared we got along just fine him praising my… Ummmhh… he must have praised something I am sure… And me admiring his slick moves and blistering hatred towards gnomes, not to mention his balalaika skills! Blaa and blaa and we ended up doing couple of collaborational dittys first as music videos and in the end released as an… drums… EP!!!!! You would not have ever guessed that, huh? It came through No Devotion Records and includes couple of smashing remixes, you must check that out.
You also have collaborated with many of the acts signed with Panicmachine, most recently, EPs with Phobos Reactor. I must ask, what was going on to make these EP?!
Phobos Reactor is not signed to Panicmachine, I kinda dragged them there with these collaborations, you can find their magnificent original stuff from here: https://phobosreactor.bandcamp.com/ They are from Germany by the way and I love to work with them, always a pleasure. We have done 4 eps so far and so proud of them all. The most notable thing is that only one of them is “openly” Anti-Gnome Muzikk, our latest classic #FOLITWIBG. Heheheh, you were brave enough to review it, my highest regards for that! Utter coolness. That was the only one with me only and PB – others also showcased my dear collaborator HCH.
“Enneuni”-ep was Finnish spoken word with short stories, fables if you will. “The Daily Torture of the Commonplace” and our our earliest collab “A Dream Within A Dream” are in English viewing this world through slightly sardonic lense. Ah, goode olde world views in there, gnomes not mentioned but more than present in these ones.
By the way we did a little project within a project in Gnostrogoth album as Phobos Reactor was inside TONTTU and damn did they provide or not! Spoiler: They did.
As for collaborating with actual Panicmachine artists must mention Veil of Thorns and P. Emerson Williams (he also makes all the groovy cover art for us, kudos!) We have made one ep “012333” and that was surprisingly for No Devotion Records-label. Other collabs include for example project Gnomenblut single also with Dean from Bleeding Raven / Gnostic Gorilla. There will be more different collaborations in the future rest assured,
We have released numerous projects featuring myself under the name TFG (TONTTU) in Panicmachine and the story is always the same: Panicmachine seems more than happy to release my collaborational endeavours and I drag more and more willing victims in there. Bless their dark hearts. Gotta salute especially my Norwegian comrade Ron of Simplefixty, skål!
The gnomen seem to bring people together, even if they are a blight on the world, don’t you think?
How can anyone sleep while gnomes are not burning? Need is must and people with any brains see the necessity of joining the cause or perish in flames of the all devouring gnomishness. Anti-Gnomen is really the greatest filter for human character, hands down. I very rarely get disappointed with people engaging with The Cause, naturally some gnome sympathizers try to sneak in from time to time but that just improves our defence systems. Praised be!
Did you quote Midnight Oil when you referred to burning gnomes while people sleep and are they part of the underground fight?
They stole that from me and without a trace of shame adapted that for their own evil deeds! Should have gotten paid because of that but being the generous person I am I let them get away with it… For now… That is just because they are talking about burning and I just cannot be that angry with them because of that. Soft spot and all that.
One of my favourite movies in the Swedish vampire movie, Frostbitten, where one of the teenagers stabs a vampire with a garden gnome (death by gnome). Are vampires and gnomes natural enemies?
Vampires are in fact nothing more than mosquitoes that has been possessed by gnomes so that incident must be just some perversed vision of some horrible Swede! It is a gnome eat gnome world after all so everything is possible in the end and I know cases where gnomes and their collaborators are just having obscurious fun by playing dead / killing each other. We must remember that dying enhances their red magikk so they can have fun and reap the benefits at the same time. Damn them and their weird ways! Vampire movies and literature are very popular, yet another example of how gnomes redwash media and try to gain the status where people see them as a desirable form of being, like accepting someone pulling your teeth one by one… Damn humans being so gullible, we will remember THAT kinda sympathisers when the tide turns…
What bands or artists got you into music BFG (Before The Gnomes)?
Oh Lordy, that is a tough one… Those leading straight to Anti-Gnomemartialindustrialneofolkmetal as follows: Laibach and Skinny Puppy (always!), NON, Keuhkot (Finnish avant-garde), Two Witches, Blood Axis, King Diamond / Mercyful Fate…Add folklorian truths, some political insights and some tasteful humour + what ever sounds good at the moment = You are set!
Been listening to music all my life and got sweet spot for hippie/heavy time: Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath etc… Then again early metal like Judas Priest. Black Metal like Emperor and Thorns, Isengard and Storm… Not to forget Urfaust. Hahahahha and must not also forget Venom, Celtic Frost and the almighty Triptykon! At some point really liked neo-folk, even though it is a chess game for some highly gnomesian things. Same goes with martial industrial that I music wise enjoy immensely, acts like Puissance with extremely sardonic lyrics, ooooh…
Naturally darker electro/industrial like Ministry, Leaether Strip (ooooh, Science for the satanic citizen sure is close to my heart), Front 242, all those greats. From the goth side of things Sisters Of Mercy and Christian Death with Rozz…
Cannot remember all of them neither have I enough space to name them all but my opinions sure trump all the questionable scientific facts or what not alternative truths! If someone disagrees may that scoundrel negotiate with the business end of my flamethrower, enough said.
What musical acts do you enjoy now?
Laibach! Hahahahhahah… I think in the later spectrum I would have to mention Fear Incorporated and everything else Sir William makes like Dark Sinfonia, Gnostic Gorilla (especially their fantastic album “St. basil’s Asylum), Korpituli & Iku-Turso (Finnish black metal)…
I am not too keen to find new music, but sometimes comrades really bring some seriously neat stuff to my attention. I also often find myself listening to comrades’ bands like Choronzon, Sounds Like Winter, Harmony Garden etc… Couple of newer acts I really do enjoy: Wargasm (UK) and Bloodywood – heheheh, new school Nu Metal! Got soft spot also for Linkin Park, Mushroomhead etc. so nothing new there.
But all the old ones usually stay there and add couple of bands to the list there and then. No matter of the genre as long as it is good. Talking about hard to define everyone should listen to Rummelsnuff, that man is a hero in my eyes (and ears)!
How may others join you in the war against the pointy hatted little beasties?
Hmm, respectable question indeed but all this makes me wonder whether your intentions are pure? Maybe you are collecting classified information for your little friends? Let us believe you for now, but consider yourself warned…
Kill a gnome, heck, kill two while at it! Resist all gnomishness, burn your sauna down and/or make/listen glorious Anti-Gnome Muzikk and force other people to do the same. There are many ways and you will find yours if you want – the main thing is to stay alert and be suspicious about everything and/or everyone. Loose lips cost human spleens so be sneaky whatever you choose to do.
Do you think they will ever join forces with the Norwegian trolls, and could there be a black metal/industrial album on horizon to combat them?
Some forms of gnomes have (d)evolved from gnomes like we inform for example in our song “Peikosta tontuksi.” So answer is probably so. We have in fact made couple of red metal dittys found from our album “Gnostrogoth.” W.V. Obscenvs Tomtenkopfff kindly provided us with couple of splendid tunes while joining us with the last TONTTU-album. Maybe we will visit those glorious moments with my feat-stuff later on, let us see. Something may be in the works.
What are you going to get up to in the future and will gnomes be involved?
To extinction and hell if people are not repenting and making the change needed! SHTF and TEOTWAWKI is upon us and we can hear gnomes laughing escorting us there! Behold: We are all doomed! Oh… You meant future projects… Ummmh… But I won’t take my words back as they are the truth and the wisdom.
As TONTTU is done and dusted in the most glorious way I will continue my path with smaller projects with other musishuns, a ditty here & ditty there featuring TFG (TONTTU)– basically having a good time and getting more time for eradicating actual gnomes, you dig? Some projects are hibernating as gnomes seem to bother those trying to collaborate with me – wise of them but very annoying for me not knowing if we ever get there with all the projects… Well, I can only do my part if others provide what they have promised too. Dunno whether this or my next Finnish EBM-collab (about chilies and stuff) is out first, but it will be a blast – like the joyous last project with Exemia, what a brain melter that was!
Yes, fighting gnomes is essential and I will never abandon that – needless to say of course. Do remember: Everything is always about gnomes, one must only stay vigilant enough to spot that. The golden rule states: “If you have got the slightest of suspicion: Eradicate!”
Must not forget that The Book is coming! It may take some time, but “Gnomeus Gnomeficarum” will explain everything and then some, with my trusted comrade TJB Morrison as the main author and P. Emerson Williams illustrating it nothing can go wrong when telling about my glorious tale! Huzzah!
Thank you TFG for your time and good luck in fighting the good fight!
Thank you to you too, may gnomes never slurp your spleen or worse (if that is even possible). T’was a pleasure indeed and keep up the good work.
PS: If you ever want to feel the joys of martyrdom just give me a nudge!
Onyx Music Reviews 